Anger is the Seed of Violence
By Gloria J Schneider

What is the one key to reducing violence in our society?

The key is to know that anger is the seed of violence. Knowing this, what is the first single most important thing that we must do to stem the tide of violence?

The answer is astoundingly simple: diminish anger.

The equation is:   anger = violence

The solution is:   diminish anger = diminish violence.

How do we diminish anger? By building self-esteem.

How does building esteem diminish anger?

Every single element that builds true self-esteem also reduces anger. This is a strict correlation and cannot be denied. Children with high self-esteem are generally joyous and well-behaved; they do not have problematic anger. The trick, the life-saving trick is to know how to build true self-esteem. This knowledge has been reduced to a three-pronged theory — a theory that can be learned and followed by any parent or teacher, any person who desires to learn it.

Much is said about children at risk for low self-esteem. While it is obvious that a child who is abused or neglected would be at risk for low self-esteem, it may not be as clearly seen that children from "good homes" may be at risk, and, in fact, probably are. It has been my experience that all children are at risk for low self-esteem in our society, as evidenced by their behavior: disobedience, belligerence, hostility, low motivation, depression, listlessness, hyperactivity, artificiality (usually a child who "never gets mad"), anxiety (fearfulness). All of the above symptoms are based in anger. Remember that children with high self-esteem are generally joyous and well-behaved; they do not have problematic anger.  It is a simple equation: children with high self-esteem almost never have problematic anger. This is a vitally important correlation to understand, because anger is the seed of violence.

What kind of anger can escalate into violence?

The kind of anger that builds up when a child’s needs are not met. These needs include physiological, safety, love and belonging, esteem and self-actualization (Maslow). The unmet need that causes the most pathology in our society is love and belonging (Travers). This is odd because most of us feel that we do love our children, do give them a sense of belonging. Somehow many of us have missed the mark, because if children do not perceive that they are loved and that they truly belong, they will live their lives as though this need has been unmet. Indeed, if we cannot find a way to convey to children that they are loved, that they do belong, then the need goes unmet, no matter how we may feel about these children in our heart!

To help a child perceive that he or she is loved, it is important to realize that a child who does not feel accepted as a valuable, irreplaceable person experiences a sense of rejection which equates in his mind to separation (from the parent). The child’s anger at being "left" will follow three predictable phases: protest, depression and detachment, in that order (Bowlby). Detachment is a state of "I don’t care." It is a giving up on love, a return to the narcissistic stage of development, a "Me" stage. From this state of detachment a person can shoot someone for their car, kill someone for their money, commit senseless crimes.

So the everyday anger that we all have can escalate into hostility if a child’s needs are unmet. According to Goldenson, "the term hostility is usually used in the psychological sciences to denote the kind of aggressive anger or rankling resentment that arises from prolonged frustrations or deprivations." If a child cannot express his or her hostility in socially acceptable ways, e.g., talking it out, then there is a possibility the child will begin to "act out" his or her hostile impulses. This acting out is what is referred to as antisocial behavior. Antisocial behavior can range all the way from verbal expressions of belligerence to outright violence.

What is needed in our society to quell the prevalence of personal unhappiness, educational failure, substance abuse, violence and crime?

The meaningful thing to do would be to make certain that our children experience an approach that would stop the anger that always accompanies low self-esteem. That approach would be an esteem-enhancing approach, which has been sorely needed and searched for in our homes and schools. It would need to be an approach that builds true self-esteem, as opposed to building a false image. The approach now being taught and implemented at the TLC Counseling & Training Center meets the criteria for esteem-enhancement and the attendant anger reduction required to impact violence. The focus is on building self-esteem because the same elements that build self-esteem also diminish anger. Many studies have corroborated this correlation between self-esteem and anger.

According to Rollo May, "Deeds of violence in our society are performed largely by those trying . . . to demonstrate that they too, are significant." Feshbach states that, based on clinical evidence, "Violations to self-esteem through insult, humiliation or coercion are . . . probably the most important source of anger and aggressive drive in humans." "Self-esteem is the likeliest candidate for a social vaccine" (California Task Force).

In conclusion, if we could channel our energies and funding toward addressing the root cause of violence, then we could save our "lost generation" (Losing Generations by the National Research Council).

"...if we could channel our energies and funding toward addressing the root cause of violence, then we could save our ‘lost generation’..."

Copyright, Gloria Schneider, 1993